My Loose Direction in Life

Today, I was talking to my best friend. He works three jobs and will always make the time to help his friends in need. I’ve never met a more heroic and hardworking person in my life. I swear, I don’t know how I would have gotten through so many difficult moments in my life, if it wasn’t for my bestest best friend. We have so many awesome fun times as well. He is like a delicious seasoning for life if it was a food.

I asked him why he works so hard, and what motivates him to do that, and is he taking the time to develop himself. He is a very goals oriented person. He is working hard for a better future, for his dream home on the beach and easy retirement. Then he asked me the same questions…

I could not answer immediately, it took some moments of thought to articulate exactly what I wanted to say. The background is, I hate my job, but it is the job that I need in my life, not the job that I want. Even my boss says that it is sucking the creative soul right out of me.To be honest, I had a job that I woke up every day and enjoyed going to. It was the worst thing to ever happen in my life because I was complacent and stagnant for years. I would never grow as a person if I stayed there. Getting laid off was the best thing that ever happened to me. But why, is it, that the job I’m doing now, that I hate, is the best thing for me?

Some days, I feel like going to work is a waste of time. It really takes away all the family time that I have and gives me crumbs of moments with my family if I try not to rob them of sleep or their work times. I try to keep this job in particular because it gives me a lot of time for myself. I use this time to grind. I use it to study, to reflect, look at my options and grow. It helps me keep my car, have fun, make memories, and think about the options I will have later.

So why am I studying CCNA? It is a tried and true certification that will boost your income. It is also very interesting. It is the most fun thing to personify and imagine as beasts, animals and aliens that are trying to understand manners and communication with each other successfully. If you think about it like that you will laugh a lot throughout your study journey.

What is my motivation for a boost in income? What’s my long term goal in terms of career? What are my big purchases goals? I am trying to get myself in the financial place where I will be able to secure the funds to open and grow the Fierce Women’s Fitness business. To develop this stepping stone into a spectacular arena with beautiful and inspirational performances. I want to be able to treat myself and take care of myself as the beautiful woman that I am. Get my hair, nails, face done, get a spa treatment, without feeling guilt. I want to be a Harley-Davidson rider again. I bought my dream car, I want to customize it. I want to develop my dance, aerial silks, pole, and martial arts skills. I want to be the owner of a beautiful Maronda Trinity Home. I want to overcompensate my femininity to make up for the fact that I have PCOS. I want to be the best damn provider and parent to ever exist.

I have always been a goals oriented person and a giver. I have struggled to find a balance between the two. My nature is to take care of other people before taking care of myself. I have given my heart to a man who has the same goals-oriented mindset as myself who has found that balance. He is ahead of me by far. He is genuine, sincere, loving and smart. He tries to be the best at everything. He has opened up my competitive nature and ego to the max. I love him a lot, but I refuse to live in the shadows of him and his success or have my accomplishments/hard work be falsely accredited to him. He likes this about me. I have always been an independent woman who’s life motto has been, “Every day getting better and better in every way,”